vixenmage: (icarus)
We're standing in the dark, you and I. There's a howling wind, so quiet it fills the background, you have to strain to hear the silence on the surface between us, that still tension of things not said. We're standing in the dark, and I'm still not sure which of us has the light. It's supposed to be you, I want to say. You're supposed to be the light, you're supposed to be all. I'm not responsible for undoing my own shadows...

I'm standing in the dark. I love you won't come to the speaking, won't say itself in my heart. I'm here in the dark, and my arm's too heavy to reach for you, and if I fall, I'll fall away. I'm standing in the dark, and I don't have the light, and I don't have the torch, and I'm full of angry darkness, and I don't know why. You're here in the dark with me, I'm told. You're here, not in the rushing or the howling or the fire but the still, small voice.

You're the one who put these voices into me? I hope not. These are not your voices, they are mine, they are selfishly, angrily, hurtfully mine. You're holding the torch, I'm holding the match, we're at an impasse and no matter how many times I say it's my decision...

Other people go through life pretty happily, or peacefully - at least with you. They have things, and they don't feel guilt weighing them down at every step, and they don't resent the guilt, and they don't resent the quiet understanding that they could be better. I'm straining at the bit again, I'm breaking through the traces, I'm seizing the reins and throwing them to the ground, tangling and tripping and falling to the dust off the side of the track, and not looking up to see if you're amused or disappointed.

We're standing in the dark, and I can't see the stars, the clouds, the ground all shod in broken glass, and mosaics of paving-stones. I told you I'd grope in the mud and crawl in the smoke and seek you in the smog and clouds and darkened alleys of this world, and now the lighter the tower grows around me, the harder it is to see. I'm going blind, I'm losing you in all the space, I'm all alone in the twisting places of the narrowest road, and there is no hope.
vixenmage: (coexist)
Because salvation is not a bargain -
a gift, and what is worth a life?

But I will seek you
not in the clear skies alone
but in the clouds and smoke
in the smog, and the confusion
in the twisting darkened alleys
in the darkness,
in the broken glass and
the needles left in the gutter,
For that is where you call me.


Often, of late, I find my train of thought to be suddenly very, very humbling. It's in the self-righteousness of a thought, and suddenly, like a weight on a spinning chain, it comes back to smack me in the face with, "Ah, I forgot you're perfect and can pass judgement on your fellow man!" Ouch. I don't remember what exact train of thought led me to standing with my notebook held against a telephone pole to scrabble that above down, but I do remember looking at the skies for some kind of sign, and seeing a sort of colorless cloud-cover, and realizing that I never feel quite so... right, as when I'm up to my elbows in muck, be it the metaphorical muck of writing about the modern slave trade and talking to people about it, or the literal muck of the disgusting pond in Bushnell Park, back when I used to do Food Not Bombs every week.

There are people whose place is in abbeys, thinking and studying and shining; I am not one of them. If there is a title in history for me, for what I want to do, it is muckraker. Yes, I know it was coined for derision. No, I don't think that derision was earned. Without those willing to rake the filth into the light, it would skulk and grow in the corners, and the question would not be "What do you propose we do about it?" but a slow sucking noise, as the dry ground is sucked into the puddles and the darkness.

It is way, way too late at night for me to be attempting to write.
vixenmage: (coexist)
Okay, I know there's a lot going on in the world right now, and a lot of it is scary, demanding stuff. But I'd like to ask you, if you've got a bit of thought, a bit of care, a second of time left, to send a prayer to Bono and his family, as he was just released from a Munich hospital after emergency back surgery; I gather the injury was very painful. The man may be a rockstar, a living legend, fame, fortune and so on, but he's also done a lot of good, both with his music and outside of it.

On a kinda-sorta-related note!

HBO, working with (RED), have released a 30-minute documentary on HIV in Africa (they focused on a clinic in Zambia, but it's really the whole continent they're talking about), and what (RED) has been doing, and what the effect over the past few years has been. WATCH IT. I honestly cannot stress enough how important this video is. Why?

Because it's not another tearful violin-clad plea for money. (Actually, the instrument of choice is, appropriately enough, a trumpet, and the music is rather uplifting.) It's not a sepia-toned spectacle. The focus is on LIFE, and on HOPE, and on how things have changed since ARV drugs are actually available in Africa, in places where formerly, HIV-positive people would have to basically choose between living themselves and feeding their children, or other decisions no one should ever have to make. People are being brought back from the very brink of death with these drugs, and it is amazing. (And no, Bono is nowhere in the film, except maybe a footnote in the credits? I think they thanked him among a list of others somewhere in there...)

Anyway. If you don't have half an hour, find half an hour and watch it anyway then read the above, remember that (RED) doesn't ask for individual donations-- it's about choosing Red Products, and the corporations donate a certain amount for every product bought. It's all legitimate, all clear-cut, and no skimming off the top. This is the list of companies who have Red products (note: not all their stuff is Red. look for the label, or ask.)
Windows, Converse, Starbucks, Nike, Apple, Dell, Gap, Emporio Armani, Hallmark, Bugaboo, Penguin Books, American Express, Solange, Diptyque, Timbuk2, ...Beats by Dr. Dre (whaa?), and Girl Skateboards.

It doesn't cost that much more to buy your coffee beans out the Red bag, and it'll save a life somewhere. Same for Nike, Converse, Penguin. So, so worth it.



For more information: (RED), and ONE, a sort-of-joint organisation.

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vixenmage: St. Francis wiv a bird on 'is haid! (Default)
vixenmage

May 2013

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