vixenmage: (existentialist)
It... it was a thing that happened.

Cosplayers. So many cosplayers. So many epic, seriously epic cosplays. We saw a guy in a full-body dragon suit that was about ten feet tall. There were Links, good and bad, and lots of Doctors in various incarnations and regenerations (including Doctor Horrible), and a Rincewind (at least one) and lots and lotsa ponies (two that were in FULL pony costume!) and lots of stormtroopers, and quite a few military pieces (DML was full-out in 'Nam gear, all the accurate military issue, except for an airsoft gun), and a Dovahkiin and a Forsworn and several TARDISes (but no Idris, sadface), and at least one Kaylee (squee!) and a few Thors and just all the yes. (And a few "...wut."s) Squee, squee, squee.

Of course, this also required being surrounded by Lots And Lots Of People for three straight days, and then some. The PPC (and PPC-expat) group was amazing, everyone was awesome and totally real and made of cells/molecules and everything (except Phobos, who is made of stories, not molecules), and stuff was awesome. We played Sea Dracula (has nothing to do with Dracula or the sea (unless you want it to) but still awesome), and I played Rabbitloop McDevilface and Dann played Laserfish Jenkins and Phobos played Pickle Albatross (a sloth) Esq., and Data played Magic Mark and Dann called Robot Santa (the evil one) to the stand and guys Phobos makes an excellent Evil Robot Santa and totally won the game, and there were lots of crazy dance-offs and I represented the hydro-oxygen separatist party (end the forced conjoining of hydrogen and oxygen!) and it was crazy and awesome. Exhausting as hell, but awesome.

Also, caffeinated smoothies were the food of the week, oh my God they are amazing delicious and caffeinated without the sudden EVERYTHING IS MADE OF ACID and glarblegarghrar.

And I has a boy, I has a Dann even, and he is the best of all the people. And we have about the same level of People-Noise we can take before both of us withdraw to engage Crankiness Avoidance Procedures, and guys do you know how awesome it is to just sit and read quietly (and occasionally not-quietly) with a dude? And we have shared universes in our head, which is awesome, because not only are we in the same universe, but we can go to other universes and talk about Mars and mean the same Mars and guys, Bogdanov|Boone for 2016, yeah he's fictional Russian SO WHAT.

(I discovered a knitting/sewing shop in the center of work!town, I can make stuff now, and Bogdanov|Boone 2016 is a shirt that will be made. Two, actually, and one goes to Dann.)

So now is a bit of a crash, but it's weird, because I'm still... happy, because it's only until January and then we get to spend time together without con-level-craziness, and this is awesome! It was incredibly painful at the airport, not made better by having to wait around for my plane to land after seeing him off, but it will not be long before we are together again, and I am going to see the rest of the world with him.

We're gonna take the world by storm, guys. If Bogdanovism isn't a thing yet, it will be by the time we're done. And it's gonna be awesome.

Damn.

Jul. 11th, 2012 11:51 pm
vixenmage: (icarus)
No matter how far you've walked, there will always be an infinity left before you.

When you put it out there without context, it almost sounds poetic. Like a song about the never-ending road, or something. If you put it in the context of knowledge, it can be exciting.

But when you realize that as far as you've come from the immaturity of fourteen years, when you technically had empathy but the critical thinking skills of a sea-slug... as far as you've come from the years of teenage depression and angst, where you were pretty sure the world would end when you did... as far as you've come from the years of anarchism at eighteen, where you were caught up in a daydream and failed to notice reality spinning out of control around you...

As many years as I put between myself and my last failure, there will always be a worse disaster around the corner. For example, taking your friends for granted. Arrogance and self-centered thoughtless pontificating. Rampant egoism. Taking your friends for granted. Being disparaging about things that people close to you hold sacred (while somehow simultaneously whining when others do the same).

I can go on all night about how I didn't mean to, I didn't think, I didn't expect, I didn't realize, but in the end, the fact of the matter is, I took one of my closest friends for granted, and was high-handed and arrogant, disparaging his belief system, behind his back.

Rereading it, the whole piece was a helluva lot more angry than I remembered it - all under the surface, I think, bursting out, and I didn't even notice. That says more than I'm comfortable with about my state of mind - that I could be ranting about one of my best friends without even realizing? Disturbing. For all my clatter about communication, and keeping open the lines, and being honest, I'd really not been honest with him. Or even myself.

The dualism remains, really. I find myself torn, in the inevitable human struggle, between spirituality and skepticism. Astronomy versus Astrology; Spirituality versus Science; Cold Hard Facts, thrown up against the great and unexplainable mysteries of the universe. The green world and the white one - viriditas. Ka. But it's a struggle that can certainly be lived out without attacking one's fellow man. We can't judge our progress along life against each other - it's like measuring the growth of a tree by the speed of a river. Something is fundamentally off.

But aside from that, I am, beyond all hope and certainly beyond all reason, forgiven for my trespasses. If I can, perhaps, forgive myself... it is doubtful. In all likelihood this will be added to the deep, dark pit of things buried deep and far and hidden, moments wherein I learned something about myself that I wish I had not. Moments wherein I hurt the people I care most about, and beyond any rationale I can see, they manage to not cast me aside like the rusty, mostly-broken blade I am.

(Forgive me; if I'm talking in weird circles, it's because I can't look at this directly, or it will overcome me. But there is the sin, and so I must address it, however obliquely. And swallow the sword; and move on.)

Spirit Day

Oct. 8th, 2010 10:09 pm
vixenmage: (coexist)
Originally posted by [personal profile] neo_prodigy at Spirit Day
 


It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.




If I'm working, I'll dye my hair purple and/or wear an armband. This is Important.
vixenmage: (it's a heron, most likely a great blue, from the shape.) (statue)
My little sister's best friend Ashley is eighteen today. Or yesterday, but the party is at our house today. As designated Responsible Adult, I'm here as a chaperone, to keep an eye on them and make sure nothing goes too horribly awry. (There are about ten kids here, ages ranging from 15, youngest, to 18, oldest-turning. I am not sure my job is a possible one.)

They're currently sprinting back and forth around the yard. Why? I do not know.

Still, happy birthday to her-- she is a sweet kid and very much like a little sister to me.

Summer!

Jun. 18th, 2010 08:26 am
vixenmage: (it's a heron, most likely a great blue, from the shape.) (statue)
Okay, well, it's -been- summer. I know. (At least, for college students it has.) But I have been outright lazy so far, pretty much just working and occasionally throwing a few lyrics onto a page or something. This has gone on far enough!

Today, Rebecca and I got up wicked early (I accidentally woke up even earlier than planned, because my window was open and dawn is distracting! also, slept rather restlessly) and went down to the highschool to see our English teacher (freshman and senior year for me, freshman and junior for Rebecca), who is a really really awesome amazing just AMAZING person, for many, many reasons. And we talked, and hugged, and laughed, and talked, and squeezed a conversation that I rather wanted to go on for hours into about ten or fifteen minutes, because she had to get grades in before graduation. And she made Rebecca promise to travel so she can figure out where she wants to go for school, and me promise to keep writing.

She said something... she said to both of us that she thinks we can do well anywhere, as long as we have a drive, a push, a motivation. I jokingly mentioned the quickly-hidden flash of contempt that most people have upon hearing that I'm going to Manchester Community for the fall (I am totally distracted by the incense smoke from my windowsill-- I started burning it to get rid of my brother's horribly loud cologne smell, but it curls in such -interesting- shapes! I could watch it all day), and she said that either of us will do well anywhere, because we both already... get it. We just need someone to push us.

It made me pretty happy.

But anyway, she told me to push Rebecca to travel and find a -place- she wants to be in for college, and Rebecca to push me to keep writing. And I think I will. I just have to set a goal.

Right now, at any rate, with the memory of dawn fresh in my mind, and smoke curling up over my windowsill in the morning breeze, anything seems possible. I hope I can hang onto that.

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