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Aug. 6th, 2011 07:37 amAnd this is one of those things where I realize that my sister and I are very different people, even if we are getting along these days.
You Might Be an Evangelical if...
The comment thread, of course, proceeded to be vastly amused and began coming up with their own-- it's quite fun. There's also a handful of You Might Be a Catholic If, You Might Be a Unitarian Universalist If, You Might Be a Methodist If, wossnames. Even if y'all are not a fan of the Slacktivist site all the time, this is still very worth checking out. (The atheists with no family experience in Evangelical churches are sort of watching the thread with a bemused expression. It's funny.)
A Handful: If you’ve ever forgotten to set your clock back at the end of Daylight Savings Time and your first thought at seeing the empty church parking lot was, “Oh no, I’ve missed the Rapture,” then you might be an Evangelical.
“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.” If you just shouted, “Where?” then...
If you’ve ever played the tambourine while wearing a tie, then …
If the last rock concert you went to included an altar call, then …
And this is the one that had me laughing so hard I couldn't talk.
If a sentence beginning “Lord, we just, Lord, want to thank you Lord, for just, Lord, just …” doesn’t strike you as either atrocious grammar or a speech impediment, then …
My own contribution was "If you've ever had an intense debate over whether it's pronounced 'ah-men' or 'ay-men,' you might be a Baptist."
"If you've ever followed that debate with a car ride in which case it was hotly proclaimed "AH-men? Ah-Men? Next thing you know, we'll be praying in Latin!" you might be a Southern Baptist.
There was this: "If you don't really know what transubstantiation really means, but you totally believe it, you might be a Catholic."
And my response: "If you don't really know what transubstantiation really means, but you know it's heresy, you might be an Evangelical."
See, I remember all the things Ruth doesn't. I remember those car rides, I remember the barbecues in John's backyard after he finished the sermon, I remember all the little tiny quirks of our church that I never realized were, yes, very weird, until after entering the rest of the world. And you know what? Despite my oft-expressed cynicism with much of the Church, these days I don't think I'd mind finding a Baptist church to fellowship with on Sunday mornings.
(If you know the difference between 'fellowship with' and 'worship with,' then I don't know what you are, but we're likely on the same level of theological tongue-in-cheekery, and yes, these Slacktivite comment threads totally count as fellowship.)
You Might Be an Evangelical if...
The comment thread, of course, proceeded to be vastly amused and began coming up with their own-- it's quite fun. There's also a handful of You Might Be a Catholic If, You Might Be a Unitarian Universalist If, You Might Be a Methodist If, wossnames. Even if y'all are not a fan of the Slacktivist site all the time, this is still very worth checking out. (The atheists with no family experience in Evangelical churches are sort of watching the thread with a bemused expression. It's funny.)
A Handful: If you’ve ever forgotten to set your clock back at the end of Daylight Savings Time and your first thought at seeing the empty church parking lot was, “Oh no, I’ve missed the Rapture,” then you might be an Evangelical.
“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.” If you just shouted, “Where?” then...
If you’ve ever played the tambourine while wearing a tie, then …
If the last rock concert you went to included an altar call, then …
And this is the one that had me laughing so hard I couldn't talk.
If a sentence beginning “Lord, we just, Lord, want to thank you Lord, for just, Lord, just …” doesn’t strike you as either atrocious grammar or a speech impediment, then …
My own contribution was "If you've ever had an intense debate over whether it's pronounced 'ah-men' or 'ay-men,' you might be a Baptist."
"If you've ever followed that debate with a car ride in which case it was hotly proclaimed "AH-men? Ah-Men? Next thing you know, we'll be praying in Latin!" you might be a Southern Baptist.
There was this: "If you don't really know what transubstantiation really means, but you totally believe it, you might be a Catholic."
And my response: "If you don't really know what transubstantiation really means, but you know it's heresy, you might be an Evangelical."
See, I remember all the things Ruth doesn't. I remember those car rides, I remember the barbecues in John's backyard after he finished the sermon, I remember all the little tiny quirks of our church that I never realized were, yes, very weird, until after entering the rest of the world. And you know what? Despite my oft-expressed cynicism with much of the Church, these days I don't think I'd mind finding a Baptist church to fellowship with on Sunday mornings.
(If you know the difference between 'fellowship with' and 'worship with,' then I don't know what you are, but we're likely on the same level of theological tongue-in-cheekery, and yes, these Slacktivite comment threads totally count as fellowship.)
