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Mar. 24th, 2011 01:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vixenmageWe're standing in the dark, you and I. There's a howling wind, so quiet it fills the background, you have to strain to hear the silence on the surface between us, that still tension of things not said. We're standing in the dark, and I'm still not sure which of us has the light. It's supposed to be you, I want to say. You're supposed to be the light, you're supposed to be all. I'm not responsible for undoing my own shadows...
I'm standing in the dark. I love you won't come to the speaking, won't say itself in my heart. I'm here in the dark, and my arm's too heavy to reach for you, and if I fall, I'll fall away. I'm standing in the dark, and I don't have the light, and I don't have the torch, and I'm full of angry darkness, and I don't know why. You're here in the dark with me, I'm told. You're here, not in the rushing or the howling or the fire but the still, small voice.
You're the one who put these voices into me? I hope not. These are not your voices, they are mine, they are selfishly, angrily, hurtfully mine. You're holding the torch, I'm holding the match, we're at an impasse and no matter how many times I say it's my decision...
Other people go through life pretty happily, or peacefully - at least with you. They have things, and they don't feel guilt weighing them down at every step, and they don't resent the guilt, and they don't resent the quiet understanding that they could be better. I'm straining at the bit again, I'm breaking through the traces, I'm seizing the reins and throwing them to the ground, tangling and tripping and falling to the dust off the side of the track, and not looking up to see if you're amused or disappointed.
We're standing in the dark, and I can't see the stars, the clouds, the ground all shod in broken glass, and mosaics of paving-stones. I told you I'd grope in the mud and crawl in the smoke and seek you in the smog and clouds and darkened alleys of this world, and now the lighter the tower grows around me, the harder it is to see. I'm going blind, I'm losing you in all the space, I'm all alone in the twisting places of the narrowest road, and there is no hope.
I'm standing in the dark. I love you won't come to the speaking, won't say itself in my heart. I'm here in the dark, and my arm's too heavy to reach for you, and if I fall, I'll fall away. I'm standing in the dark, and I don't have the light, and I don't have the torch, and I'm full of angry darkness, and I don't know why. You're here in the dark with me, I'm told. You're here, not in the rushing or the howling or the fire but the still, small voice.
You're the one who put these voices into me? I hope not. These are not your voices, they are mine, they are selfishly, angrily, hurtfully mine. You're holding the torch, I'm holding the match, we're at an impasse and no matter how many times I say it's my decision...
Other people go through life pretty happily, or peacefully - at least with you. They have things, and they don't feel guilt weighing them down at every step, and they don't resent the guilt, and they don't resent the quiet understanding that they could be better. I'm straining at the bit again, I'm breaking through the traces, I'm seizing the reins and throwing them to the ground, tangling and tripping and falling to the dust off the side of the track, and not looking up to see if you're amused or disappointed.
We're standing in the dark, and I can't see the stars, the clouds, the ground all shod in broken glass, and mosaics of paving-stones. I told you I'd grope in the mud and crawl in the smoke and seek you in the smog and clouds and darkened alleys of this world, and now the lighter the tower grows around me, the harder it is to see. I'm going blind, I'm losing you in all the space, I'm all alone in the twisting places of the narrowest road, and there is no hope.
